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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282950">edible</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapriciousCrab/pseuds/CapriciousCrab'>CapriciousCrab</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, edible body adornment, questionable purchases, things do not go as planned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:07:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,042</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282950</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapriciousCrab/pseuds/CapriciousCrab</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't  the worst purchase Dan had made this year. They weren't even the worst things he had bought since the quarantine started. In fact, these were downright tame for the Howell-Lester household. So when the discretely packaged box arrived at their door, Dan had accepted it with a grin.  </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Howell/Phil Lester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>edible</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>these <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Kheper-Games-Cherry-Edible-Pasties/dp/B008ASALSU">NSFW</a> are what I had in mind when writing this fic.</p><p>not to be confused with  <a href="https://www.cookingchanneltv.com/recipes/michigan-pasty-meat-hand-pie-2042803">these</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had bought them on a whim. A combination of procrastination and boredom had led him to a bit of incognito browsing and when the cherry-shaped, cherry-flavored pasties caught his eye he couldn't help himself. Silly and a bit ridiculous looking, they had made him snicker, then laugh outright at the thought of Phil's face when he saw them. Sugary edibles for the nipples seemed like something created expressly for Phil Lester so Dan didn't even hesitate.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn't the worst purchase Dan had made this year. They weren't even the worst things he had bought since the quarantine started. In fact, these were downright tame for the Howell-Lester household. So when the discretely packaged box arrived at their door, Dan had accepted it with a grin.  </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
He hadn't told Phil about them, wanting to surprise him later with a bit of fun. Otherwise, Phil would be trying to drag Dan off to bed all day. And while the thought was a pleasant one, he did have this deadline to meet and emails to answer. So he sighed and tucked the box away in their room for later and tried not to think about it too much as he continued editing his rough draft.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
He failed.</p><p> </p><p>Dan was lost in a particularly detailed daydream when Phil came home, shaking off the rain Dan hadn't even noticed had started. He was drenched, hair plastered to his forehead as he stood dripping in the foyer wrestling with his wet shoes. Dan could hear his frustrated mumbling drifting up the stairs and muffled his laugh as he rose to grab him a towel.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Dan? Dan! Can you get me a towel? It's raining and I'm- oh." </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Phil finally got the wet jumper he was fighting with over his head to find himself face to face with Dan. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Hello," he said with a sheepish smile. "Didn't know you were standing there or I wouldn't have shouted. It's raining."</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Dan snorted. "Yes Phil, I can see that it's raining."</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Phil smiled and stripped off his jeans. He took the towel Dan had waiting for him gratefully, rubbing himself briskly as he shivered.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Fuck, it's cold."</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Dan thought about his deadlines. He thought about his emails waiting to be answered and rough drafts that need editing. And he thought about the box that was waiting in their room.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Well, why don't we go warm you up, hmm?"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
*</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Phil's eyes had lit up when he'd spied the nondescript box on the dresser.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Bad Dragon?" he asked hopefully.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Nooo, not Bad Dragon."</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Phil gave him an exaggerated pout. "Oh. I was hoping it was gonna be the- "</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"I know exactly what you were hoping for, you filthy perv," Dan laughed. "We're still working our way up to that one. This is something different."</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Different, huh? Are we talking sex swing different or…"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Dan rolled his eyes and thrust the box into Phil's hands. "Lower your expectations, bub. Here, just...go put these on."</p><p> </p><p>Phil gave him a curious look but obediently headed to the bathroom to do as Dan had asked.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
Dan stripped down to his pants and listened to Phil banging around in the bathroom, rustling the packaging as he opened it. There was a moment of complete silence then a snort rang out, followed by a hastily muffled laugh.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Dan. Oh my god," Phil giggled. "I look like Mermaid Man!"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Dan covered his face with a groan. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Mermaid Man wore shells, you buffoon. And please don't talk about SpongeBob when we're about to have sex!"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Oh, I look so stupid!" </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Phil, you don't! You'll look sexy, babe. Come on…"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
The door opened and Dan watched as Phil tried to drape himself seductively along the frame. His eyes were bright and full of mirth, his cheeks flushed pink as he bit his lips in a desperate attempt to hold back his laughter.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
He stood there in only his pants with the edible pasties Dan had bought covering his nipples. The cherries stood out starkly against his pale skin and smattering of chest hair, obnoxiously bright and garish and yes, ridiculous. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Dan's lips twitched as he struggled to keep his face even but then he looked up at Phil's face and lost it. The noise he made wasn't even human; a high-pitched screech of laughter that burst from his mouth and set Phil to laughing with him. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
They laughed until they were breathless. Dan fell back on the bed and covered his face with his hands, trying to get himself under control but every time he closed his eyes he saw the image of Phil standing there in his black pants and those stupid cherry stick-ons plastered to his nipples. He took a shuddering breath and cracked open an eye when he felt the mattress dip next to him.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Phil was lying there grinning at him. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Sooo," he drawled. "That whole 'you'll look sexy' thing you were saying?"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Dan laughed and draped an arm across his eyes "Shut up! I can't even look at you yet."</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Phil giggled and swung his leg over Dan's body to straddle him before leaning down to press a smacking kiss to Dan's mouth. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"This was fun and all but I'm still cold and now I'm a bit sticky. Wanna go warm up together in the shower?" </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
The last bit was whispered in Dan's ear and made him shiver. He nearly forgot about the pasties until he opened his eyes and saw…</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Phil! You ATE one?!"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Phil looked down at his chest and shrugged. "Well, yeah? No sense in letting them go to waste."</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
He peeled the remaining pasty from his nipple and stuck it to Dan's bellybutton with a gentle whack.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"Mmm, now you're pretty <em>and </em>tasty," Phil said, giving him a lingering kiss before rolling from the bed and heading for the shower. "Are you coming?"</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
"I fucking hope so," Dan muttered under his breath. </p><p> </p><p>He peeled the cherry-shaped pasty off of his stomach with a shrug and popped it into his mouth before following Phil to the shower, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the chemical cherry taste. He looked back at a smaller nondescript box still sitting on the dresser and smirked.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
He'll save the gummy cock ring for another day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading!</p><p>You can like/ reblog <a href="https://capriciouscrab.tumblr.com/post/628344283472265216/edible">here</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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